"Do I Have To Answer That? "

By "Kat Hog" Kathy Salzberg
The Village Groomer
2245 Providence Hwy.
Walpole, MA 02081
May 1, 1994

I love my job as a professional groomer. For twenty years,it has given me the chance to share the love of animals with the people they own. In the process, I've learned a lot from my clients, both two-legged and four-legged. Being a natural-born know-it-all, I'm only too glad to share this knowledge with anyone within earshot. But once in a while, I am confronted with a question that stops me dead in my tracks and takes every bit of patience and diplomacy a groomer can muster. Here, then, are answers to a few questions that fall into this category:

  • "No, Mr. DiNucci, your dog won't bark with a higher pitch if you have him neutered."
  • "Yes, Miss DuBois, I know it sounds like a lot of money, but have you ever tried to bathe your itty bitty kitty?"
  • "No, Mr. Smith, I don't really think Hitler is a good name for a German shepherd."
  • "No, Mrs. O'Malley, I don't think letting the cat have a litter of kittens is the best way to teach your kids about the birds and the bees."
  • "Yes, Mrs. Simpson, I know Pierre is crazy about me but I can't try this sweater on him until he lets go of my leg."
  • "I'm sure you do have papers, Mrs. Peterson, it's just that I've never seen a 70pound Lhasa Apso with spots before."
  • "Yes, Mrs. Fernandes, I know why you named her 'Puddles'."
  • "No, Miss Wolinski, as far as I know there is no rape crisis center for dogs, but if I were you, I'd have Fifi checked by her vet."
  • "Yes, Mr. Rooney, I'm sure the whole gang down at the pub thought it would be a nice touch for St. Patrick's Day, but I'd rather not dye your mother's poodle green."
  • "No, Dr. Stone, I don't think those hairs on my chest indicate a rare hormonal problem. I'm a dog groomer."
  • "Yes, Miss Waters, I'll certainly keep you in mind if we have a job opening, but it really does involve more than playing with the pooches all day long."
  • "Yes, Mr. Haffenreffer, your affenpinscher is ready."
  • "No, Mrs. Osgood, it was not a true story and Edward Scissorhands doesn't work in any shop around here."