'Twas the day before Christmas. We were full beyond reason.
The groomers were pleading, "Oh please! No more squeeze-ins!"
The stockings were hung by the counter with care,
In hopes that the big spenders soon would be there;
The pooches were waiting all snug in their crates,
The staffers were stressing; they were running late;
And I in my uniform, shears in my hand,
Was clipping and scissoring to beat the band,
When out in the front room there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my table to see what was the matter.
Right to the apointment book I flew like a flash,
Tore open the cover - it dropped with a crash.
They were running and playing, all covered with snow,
Giving them a strange lustre as they dashed to and fro;
For what I beheld shocked me out of my noodle:
A man dressed in red with eight tiny French poodles.
A chubby old guy, he was lively and quick,
And I knew in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
More rapid than eagles his pooches they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called they by name:
"Now Tasha! Now Fifi! Now Muffin and Willie!
On Candy! On Brandy! On Pepi and Lily!
To the back of the shop! To the crates by the wall!
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the tables his poodles they flew,
Disrupting the groomers and customers too.
And then in a twinkling I heard barking and crying;
The groomers were screaming; their tools, they were flying.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
Through the back room Saint Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his poodles, like him, were all covered with soot.
His eyes slightly bloodshot! His cheeks red as berries!
With ninety-proof breath and a nose like a cherry!
His words slightly slurred, mouth drawn up in a bow,
And the beard on his chin full of ashes and snow;
The stump of a stogie clenched tight in his teeth,
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a broad face and a round little belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly;
But I said, "Look here, sir! You've got to be joking!
You have no appointment and this shop is 'No Smoking'."
He winked and he smiled. His eyes they were glistening;
As I choked on his smoke, I knew he wasn't listening;
I tried to explain but he just wouldn't hear it,
"Oh, come now," he chuckled, "Where's your Christmas spirit?"
"I've no time to chat, girl. You'd best get to work!"
As I watched him retreat, I felt just like a jerk.
He shot me a look, both superior and flirty,
"I'll see you tonight. I'll be back at 5:30."
Away to his sleigh which was blocking the lot,
With eight reindeer in tandem, he left like a shot;
But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Give me the group discount! I'll see you tonight!"
Well, we fluffed and we finished those eight little nippers;
He came two hours late; he did not even tip us.
So you'll have to excuse me at our gala meetings,
As you joyfully offer your warm Season's Greetings;
My answer may shock, as I wave back and call,
"Merry Christmas, my foot! And Bah Humbug to all!"