50 Ways to Lose Your Groomer

Humorously (???) contributed by Groomers themselves, from all parts of the country.
Maybe this will explain why we sometimes appear crabby.

• Call in to make an appointment. Tell the groomer you have an adorable little poodle puppy (1 and a half years old) its ALREADY been done ONCE before..........but you just didn't like the way the previous groomer did it. You want it in a puppy cut.....and oh by the way, those tangles just fall right out when you brush him a little.
• Bring your one year old Cocker "puppy" in for it's "first" grooming...now that she has enough hair.
• Make sure your pet relieves itself on the walkway outside your groomers door.....so he doesn't mess on the floor.
• Always ask for a little something extra, more hair off here or there, different color bow.....just be a PITA customer....nothing is ever right, ever.....and
• Never tip before you leave, no matter how much extra time and attention the groomer gave to your "custom" job.
• Bathe then brush your long haired dog.
• Never comb out your dog's coat in between appointments.
• Feed your dog one hour before your appointment.
• Come in two hours late for your appointment or don't show at all.
• Make sure you wait until after closing time to pick up your dog
• As you walk out the door when dropping off your dog, let the groomer know that Fluffy has never bitten anybody.
• Teach your dog that brushing is a game and its fun to bite the brush.
• Play with your dogs feet so that he will bite any hand that goes near its feet
• Be sure to let your groomer know that you only bring Fifi in twice a year now because she is so old....and leave the hair long to cover all the warts.
• Pressure your groomer to have your dog done in too short of a time period.
• Call up and complain about the $5 extra brushing charge for your 2 yr.old Standard that had NEVER been groomed before.
• Make an appointment at one shop and show up at another. . .
• Don't bother to cancel your appt.....just show up ""whenever"" with FIFI and make up some excuse like, I tried to call but... I just have to have her done NOW....
• No Show on your appointment day and show up the next day pretending that your appointment is today.....
• Come back for your dog an half hour early and stand there in plain view while the groomer tries to do the finish.
• Smack your tiny and oh so cute dog down on the desk and yell at her for not wanting to be groomed while trying to knock out the groomer by breathing alcohol fumes on them. (The only dog this groomer ever plotted to steal)
• Drop in with your chow, sammie, malamute or standard poodle as close to closing time as possible with a sob story about why it is an emergency groom job.
• Brag about your Kerry's perpensity for killing small poodles and cats.
• Bring in a dog that is solid mats, bites and write a rubber check.
• Don't take your pet ""out"" before coming in for your appt. She always gets a little ""scared"" you know, at these kinds of places and besides, your groomer has those paper towels just hanging there for these ""little"" accidents.
• Don't show up for pet pick-up time at the given hour....just ""anytime"" you happen to be driving by the shop and stop in to see if FIFI is ready.
• Don't bother to tell the groomer FiFi has been sick for the last few days, until the groomer calls and wonders why FiFi isn't quite herself. By that time, all the dogs in the shop have been exposed to ????
• Always complain about something and never tip or say thank you for a job will done.
• Wait till the last possible moment to call for a holiday appt. and sound surprised when the answer is no. Repeat for all holidays, year after year....
• Call hours after the shop closes just to see if there's any appts. left for tomorrow....that is, if you have access to your groomers home number.
• Come in for your first appt. with an ATTITUDE and a BOOK. Then plop the book down and FIFI right next to it, and open it to a Multi Best In Show dog in full coat and tell your groomer this is EXACTLY what you expect FIFI to look like. Never mind that FIFI is a year old, has never been to a shop...and is a matted mess....
• If the groomer does groom the dog in the previous paragraph....and it was a strip.... Arrive to get your BABY and go ballistic...for 20 minutes in front of everyone else picking up their dogs...who just happen to have YOUR breed....in full show type coat and come in every 2 weeks. Then complain to everyone at the vets office about what YOUR GROOMER did to FIFI ...after waiting for 3 days to take the dog in... because of a bad skin condition you found under the MATTED mess YOU call BABY.
• Complain loudly every time the price goes up....never take into consideration, that the price of heating and cooling goes up in the grooming shop too. Not to mention the cost for a good gallon of shampoo or the price of equipment up keep.
• Make ""fun"" of any awards or trophies your groomer displays in their shop...you know anybody can buy one of those pretty silver bowls at your local dime store. Besides, all groomers do is PLAY WITH THE DOGS ALL DAY LONG.........it's not like a real job.
• Make ''''threats'''' like, I'll just have to go down the street, if you can't get FIFI in today but I really like the way she looked when you did her....which was 3 months ago.
• Phone every 1/2 hour asking if "Toto" is done yet after you were late bringing him in and you were told he would be late out and and the groomer will call when he is done?
• If you aren't happy with the way your dog was groomed, spread the word. Tell all your friends, your vet, and the lady at the supermarket check-out counter. But DON'T tell the groomer!
• Being the professional that you are (doctor?) come through the door with 2 screaming children and your dog and yell at the top of your voice, because "Max" is trying to eat your groomer for lunch
  " NOW MAX JUST STOP IT " all while trying to stuff your skitzy dog butt into a crate and when you return and your groomer suggests that you neuter your dog be very offended thinking that she was talking about you (she probably was).

• AND....Here's a mobile one..... Open the door and let Poochie run out, without a lead OR collar. Say "Oh, don't worry, he won't run away." Then spend the next 20 minutes trying to catch Poochie, who KNOWS this is bath time and is not coming back too quickly!